I wait. I understand better now about why I am, and am not here. What I need to know, what I don't need to know, what I need to not know.
I remember the first time I understood, really understood, what Berkeley was saying. 'When you look out at the world, you are looking at the inside of God's mind.' There's that mystical aspect in Heidegger and Levinas too. The world, reality, as something alive, not dead, not 'stuff'. And Spinoza too, of course. I understand all this, but it is not my ultimate concern, because I am not in this world, not of it, but apart, different, separate. 'The world is, and will always remain, absolutely other than I.'
I am above this, I am above you. Don't even think of trying to join me here. 'Jack was up above the world, a writer looking down on his subject.' (The Croupier) Hah! But Stirner too, of course. The 'creative nothingness.' Speaking of which, that reminds me, the main difference between Heidegger and Sartre: Sartre is the true metaphysician, old time, while Heidegger sets himself up as a radical critic of metaphysics.
Brian told me something funny. I remember once hearing Hubert Dreyfus in an interview, in reply to the question why he preferred Heidegger to Sartre, quote approvingly Heidegger's summary judgement of Sartre: 'Dreck.' What Brian told me was that Heidegger had Sartre's Being and Nothingness on his desk but hadn't actually read it. 'I'm not reading that shit,' he said. Puts a different complexion on things, Hubert, don't it?
I have a soft spot for Sartre, for one thing we both have the same eye problem. And we are both dualists (of a sort). If you suffer from permanent double vision, then it's a little bit easier to see how duality could be the ultimate truth about things. I'm not putting any great stress on this, but it's significant.
(My lazy eye is sufficiently strong that I can look in two different directions like a chamelion for example, two people sitting widely apart and be fully aware at the same time of what I can see from each eye. Can be very useful. Did Sartre have this ability? You can't tell from the photos.)